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How to Marry the ?Right? Person | Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy —

If you don?t believe in ?the One? ? and I don?t ? then how can you learn the skills necessary to marry the right person? Or at least, not the wrong one?

There?s an interesting discussion brewing at Huffington Post today, as Pauline Gaines addresses the idea of courses in family dynamics for high school students. The hope is to develop skills necessary for making better relationship decisions, specifically, better choices when it comes to who to marry, and consequently, helping to reduce the likelihood of divorce.

Theoretically, if classes were properly structured and well taught, many of these life skills could serve to assist in all relationships.

As for the article on Huff Post Divorce, as usual, some of the comments are jumping into Land of Gender Generalizations, as those who feel they?ve been wronged in their divorces hurl barbs at the opposite sex. But setting aside that negative noise, what about the possibility of reducing the likelihood of choosing ?wrongly??

Making Marriage Work

Better yet, is there a way to up the odds of marrying the right person ? or one who could be more or less ?right? for you?

I can think of plenty of ways to increase the probability of marrying the right person. Among them:

  • Do not make marriage the ?be all and end all? in our culture
  • Eliminate the state-specific differences in age at which you can marry
  • Require a waiting period before marriage
  • Incorporate classes in relationship dynamics as part of Elementary and Middle School curricula, possibly continued into High School

And it is the last point which lies at the heart of the article at Huff Post Divorce.

Still, if these classes (much like Sex Ed) could actually be properly designed, who would teach them? What would they consist of? How to make them ?politically correct? in all ways? How might they be incorporated into a variety of other classes ? perhaps encouraged through teamwork in core curricula?

Why must these classes be seen purely as stepping into the personal realms of family dynamics?

I will cite my own writing on Making Marriage Work, and the necessity of relationship skills:

? what we really need is relationship education, regardless of purpose?

Wouldn?t we all benefit from learning to get along with each other? To give and take? To clearly state what we need and want? To attentively listen? To negotiate? To reacquaint ourselves with the basics of respect over disdain and narcissism?

Teaching Kids Life Skills

We don?t all grow up in Picture Perfect Two Parent Households. The married parents of my (Boomer) generation frequently involved a mother at home (possibly unhappy at that), and a father who made an appearance on cue ? at dinner time, mowing the lawn, serving as tie-breaker disciplinarian.

As for examples of how two loving adults deal with each other?

Not so much.

Our family configurations today are far more varied and complex. The pressures we live with economically, just to make ends meet, are enormous. Add in the expectations of parental involvement ? and we?re frequently overwhelmed. (Naturally, none of this helps our partnerships.)

Surely many of our children aren?t seeing exemplary relationship skills at home, so where will they learn them? Where do we learn them, since despite all the parenting guidebooks, few of us come to the table without scars of our own?

Planting Relationship Recognition Seeds

Is it crazy to think that we could plant the seeds to grow good relationships? To recognize them, to nurture them, to protect ourselves from what is truly toxic? Can we provide models for our kids to learn from ? even if we can?t offer two adults in a working partnership, as we raise them?

Ideally, we can experience examples of empathy, communication, conflict resolution, compromise, respect, humor, affection, love ? and more ? throughout our various communities. Relatives or friends may offer a glimpse, or a significant resource. Yes, our children are sponges ? but they can learn from everywhere; they pocket what they absorb ? good and bad ? and basic relationship skills could assist in their making sense of what they?re observing and feeling.

I believe they can learn some of the tools needed for good decisions in all relationships, if we encouraged talking and listening, observing and working together.

Teacher Expectations ? Overload

I don?t believe we should expect miracles of our teachers. They?re already overworked, underpaid, undervalued in our culture ? and far too pressed to help our children ?succeed? rather than to help them learn.

As it is, they are often asked to play parental roles, or to take on more responsibility that the child himself or herself ought to own.

Years ago, I volunteered in the public elementary school where my children were in class. I was working full-time as well, but my employer cut me some slack now and then so I could run an occasional art project. I would show up with bags of supplies, and assignments that encouraged imagination from the kids, combining individual contributions with an overall team goal.

By 4th and 5th grades, the kids were very receptive to principles of planning, communication, and necessary collaboration. These are easier to build on when you?ve laid the groundwork.

And frankly, we?re talking basics to those of us in the corporate world, and not so different from what is taught through team sports ? without the win-lose mentality and cut-throat competition. And it?s that win-lose dynamic that is often so damaging in our romantic relationships.

Cooperation, Collaboration, Communication

The kids quickly understood that if a project required cooperation of everyone, that meant choosing a leader to coordinate and follow up, compromising in order to work together, communicating when there was conflict.

It also meant some sensitivity to their team members ? who was tired, who was having a bad day, who had something on his mind, who was struggling with the task. Observing, assessing, asking questions, listening.

10-year olds, 11- year olds, 12-year olds?

They?re more than capable of these skills. We simply need to model them, and guide them through the process. And maybe management-type exercises ? and parents with these skills ? are part of the answer.

And Marriage?

I can?t say that I will ever marry again. I gave my idealism and my trust once; when you experience living with lies in marriage, when you have suffered abuses of various sorts, when you have seen or felt yourself becoming someone or something ?less? than you are, it?s difficult to imagine yourself in such a position of potential vulnerability again.

Still, I believe in love, respect, intimacy, and sharing life as a couple in a committed relationship with someone I cherish.

How that arrangement is configured?

It may not look like your version of partnership, but then, it really doesn?t have to. It may not involve the sacraments (or legal intricacies) of marriage. Then again, there?s the story of those 90-something newlyweds. Never say never, right?

For those who do wish to marry, I return to the importance of truly knowing who it is you are joining your life to, as your family. I repeat my usual ?marital advice? ? the necessity of time together, of shared values, of hearing and voicing each others? needs in non-damaging ways, of like libido.

It?s impossible to guarantee anything when it comes to the human heart or our behaviors, much less what life will throw our way to deal with. But surely, education of all sorts cannot hurt, and if achieved ? as the article suggests ? possibly do a great deal of good.

? D. A. Wolf

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Big Little Wolf?s Daily Plate of Crazy

Source: http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2012/03/24/how-to-marry-the-right-person/

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A Simple, Natural Method For Panic Attack Self Help —

Article Directory :: Self-Improvement/Motivation Articles

Dealing With Panic Attacks Doesn’t Need to be Scary So, just where you turn to when dealing with panic attacks then. Do you have a safety net to catch you? For those who suffer from moderately frequent panic attacks, they know how difficult it can be to recover from them. Panic attack self-help methods are one of the ways that individuals learn to cope and prevent panic attacks.

For those unfamiliar with the definition, a panic attack is a period of intense fear or apprehension, usually lasting less than ten minutes, although their effects are evident for hours afterwards. The effects of a panic attack are different for each person. For an individual who has a panic attack for the first time, they may think that they are having a heart attack and be admitted to a hospital. Individuals who have experienced attacks say that they are one of the most frightening and upsetting experiences that a person can have.

Medically, what is happening in a panic attack is the body’s sympathetic nervous system, or what we would also call the “fight or flight” mechanism is being activated. The body’s endocrine system releases adrenaline, which can lead to individuals feeling the urge to escape or flee their present environment.

While the exact causes of panic attacks are difficult to say conclusively, there are some conclusions. Many doctors have found that there is a hereditary component to panic attacks and it can run in families. In twin studies where the twins were separated at birth, they can both suffer from panic attacks, leading doctors to believe that it is a medical problem, possibly relating to DNA.

There are also conditions which can cause panic attacks. Individuals with extreme phobias will have them when faced with their fears. Those with post- traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and other psychological disorders will often experience panic attacks as a side effect. No matter the cause, all medical experts agree that having panic attacks is a problem. Panic attack self- help methods are usually the most effective at treating and preventing attacks.

Since the exact causes are not known, preventing panic attacks is difficult. There have been some positive effects with cognitive behaviour therapy and medication. However, many professionals choose to avoid medication except in extreme cases as being on the prescription drugs for an extended period can lead to other problems.

Some of the more accepted methods of dealing with panic attacks are through therapy. Breathing exercises have been effective at helping individuals focus on their breaths when they begin to feel a panic attack coming on. Positive outcomes have also been shown when individuals who suffer from panic attacks exercise half an hour each day. It may be that the exercise relieves some of their stress, helping to decrease episodes.

While there are several panic attack self- help options, the best one is the one that helps individuals decrease or stop having panic attacks. It may be useful to try several different therapies or strategies in order to cut down on these episodes. While having a panic attack is frightening, there are many options available to help individual’s lead healthy and happy lives. To discover how you can find help today when dealing with panic attacks, take special note of what comes next.

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Diatom biosensor could shine light on future nanomaterials —

Friday, March 23, 2012

A glow coming from the glassy shell of microscopic marine algae called diatoms could someday help us detect chemicals and other substances in water samples. And the fact that this diatom can glow in response to an external substance could also help researchers develop a variety of new, diatom-inspired nanomaterials that could solve problems in sensing, catalysis and environmental remediation.

Fluorescence is the key characteristic of a new biosensor developed by researchers at the Department of Energy’s Pacific Northwest National Laboratory. The biosensor, described in a paper published this week in the scientific journal PLoS ONE, includes fluorescent proteins embedded in a diatom shell that alter their glow when they are exposed to a particular substance.

“Like tiny glass sculptures, the diverse silica shells of diatoms have long intrigued scientists,” said lead author and molecular biologist Kate Marshall, who works out of PNNL’s Marine Sciences Laboratory in Sequim, Wash. “And the way our biosensor works could make diatoms even more attractive to scientists because it could pave the way for the development of novel, synthetic silica materials.”

Diatoms are perhaps best known as the tiny algae that make up the bulk of phytoplankton, the plant base of the marine food chain that feeds the ocean’s creatures. But materials scientists are fascinated by diatoms for another reason: the intricate, highly-ordered patterns that make up their microscopic shells, which are mostly made of silica. Researchers are looking at these minuscule glass cages to solve problems in a number of areas, including sensing, catalysis and environmental remediation.

PNNL Laboratory Fellow and corresponding author Guri Roesijadi found inspiration for this biosensor in previous work by other researchers, who showed it’s possible to insert proteins in diatom shells through genetic engineering. Using that work as a starting point, Roesijadi, Marshall and their PNNL colleagues aimed to use fluorescent proteins to turn diatoms into a biosensor. They specifically aimed to create a reagent-less biosensor, meaning one that detects a target substance on its own and without depending on another chemical or substance.

Well-equipped diatom

As a test case, the PNNL team inserted genes for their biosensor into Thalassiosira pseudonana, a well-studied marine diatom whose shell resembles a hatbox. The new genes allowed the diatoms to produce a protein that is the biosensor.

At the heart of the biosensor is the ribose-binding protein, which, as the name suggests, attaches to the sugar ribose. Each ribose-binding protein is then flanked by two other proteins ? one that glows blue and another that glows yellow. This three-protein complex attaches to the silica shell while the diatom grows.

In the absence of ribose, the two fluorescent proteins sit close to one another. They’re close enough that the energy in the blue protein’s fluorescence is easily handed off, or transferred, to the neighboring yellow protein. This process, called fluorescence resonance energy transfer, or FRET, is akin to the blue protein shining a flashlight at the yellow protein, which then glows yellow.

But when ribose binds to the diatom, the ribose-binding protein changes its shape. This moves the blue and yellow fluorescent proteins apart in the process, and the amount of light energy that the blue protein shines on the yellow protein declines. This causes the biosensor to display more blue light.

Microscopic light show

Regardless of whether or not ribose is bound to the diatom’s biosensor, the biosensor always emits some blue or yellow glow when it’s exposed to energy under a microscope. But the key difference is how much of each kind of light is displayed.

The PNNL team distinguished between light from the two proteins with a fluorescence microscope that was equipped with a photon sensor. The sensor allowed them to measure the intensities of the unique wavelengths of light given off by each of the fluorescent proteins. By calculating the ratio of the two wavelengths, they could determine if the diatom biosensor was exposed to ribose, and how much of ribose was present.

The team also succeeded in making the biosensor work with the shell alone, after it was removed from the living diatom. Removing the living diatom provides researchers greater flexibility in how and where the silica biosensor can be used. The Office of Naval Research, which funded the research, believes biosensors based on modifying a diatom’s silica shell may prove useful for detecting threats such as explosives in the marine environment.

“With this research, we’ve made our important first steps to show it’s possible to genetically engineer organisms such as diatoms to create advanced materials for numerous applications,” Marshall said.

###

DOE/Pacific Northwest National Laboratory: http://www.pnnl.gov/news

Thanks to DOE/Pacific Northwest National Laboratory for this article.

This press release was posted to serve as a topic for discussion. Please comment below. We try our best to only post press releases that are associated with peer reviewed scientific literature. Critical discussions of the research are appreciated. If you need help finding a link to the original article, please contact us on twitter or via e-mail.

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Source: http://www.labspaces.net/118691/Diatom_biosensor_could_shine_light_on_future_nanomaterials

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Decibel alert: Partisans dial up health care noise —

This photo taken on March 14, 2012 shows Tami Parker, standing left, a regional field director for the Obama campaign, instructing phone bank volunteers at a Obama campaign office in Lakewood, Colo. A handful of nurses and other volunteers took up their cell phones last week to call voters and talk up the health care overhaul. The volunteers were targeting elderly women. Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told about a dozen volunteers that the health care law faces a Supreme Court challenge later this month. “We need to talk about how the American Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.” (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

This photo taken on March 14, 2012 shows Tami Parker, standing left, a regional field director for the Obama campaign, instructing phone bank volunteers at a Obama campaign office in Lakewood, Colo. A handful of nurses and other volunteers took up their cell phones last week to call voters and talk up the health care overhaul. The volunteers were targeting elderly women. Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told about a dozen volunteers that the health care law faces a Supreme Court challenge later this month. “We need to talk about how the American Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.” (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

This photo taken on March 14, 2012 shows volunteer Anita McIntyre making calls on a phone bank at an Obama campaign office in Lakewood, Colo., on Tuesday, March 14, 2012. A handful of nurses and other volunteers took up their cell phones last week to call voters and talk up the health care overhaul. The volunteers were targeting elderly women. Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told about a dozen volunteers that the health care law faces a Supreme Court challenge later this month. “We need to talk about how the American Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.” (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

This photo taken on March 14, 2012 shows volunteer Cindy Lay working on a phone bank at a Obama campaign office in Lakewood, Colo. A handful of nurses and other volunteers took up their cell phones last week to call voters and talk up the health care overhaul. The volunteers were targeting elderly women. Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told about a dozen volunteers that the health care law faces a Supreme Court challenge later this month. “We need to talk about how the American Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.” (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

This photo taken on March 14, 2012 shows volunteer Anita McIntyre, left, and staff member Angela Grills making calls on a phone bank at an Obama campaign office in Lakewood, Colo. A handful of nurses and other volunteers took up their cell phones last week to call voters and talk up the health care overhaul. The volunteers were targeting elderly women. Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told about a dozen volunteers that the health care law faces a Supreme Court challenge later this month. “We need to talk about how the American Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.” (AP Photo/Ed Andrieski)

(AP) ? America’s national shouting match over health care will only get louder next week as the Supreme Court weighs the fate of President Barack Obama’s overhaul.

With formal arguments off-limits to cameras, supporters and detractors have laid elaborate plans to compete for the public’s attention outside the Supreme Court building.

At the White House, which on Friday observed a low-key second anniversary of the Affordable Care Act, Obama’s advisers are trying to walk a fine line. They want to avoid any appearance of unseemly pressure on the justices while encouraging supporters to speak up. The Obama re-election campaign is also talking up the law’s benefits, and there is a steady stream of cheery press releases from the Department of Health and Human Services.

Will any of it make the slightest bit of difference?

Polls show Americans are as divided as ever over the president’s signature domestic policy achievement, hard-won legislation that will eventually expand health insurance to more than 90 percent of citizens and legal residents, providing federal subsidies to make premiums more affordable for millions who now struggle to find and keep coverage.

“It’s hard to imagine that the various demonstrations for and against the health care law will have much impact,” said Peter A. Brown, assistant director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute in Connecticut. “Even if public opinion does change, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the nine votes on the court.”

That hasn’t stopped the activists.

“We want to make sure we are heard,” said Tim Phillips, president of Americans for Prosperity, a conservative group founded with the support of billionaires Charles and David Koch which has spent heavily on anti-Obama campaigns across the country.

The group has been collecting signatures online for a “symbolic amicus brief” calling on the court to strike down the entire law. The signatures will be the centerpiece of a rally near the court on Tuesday, when the justices are scheduled to hear arguments on the constitutionality of the law’s individual coverage mandate.

That’s the central issue in the case: whether the federal government can require individuals to obtain health insurance, either through an employer, a government program, or by direct purchase. Opponents say Obama and congressional Democrats stretched the Constitution beyond any reasonable interpretation, essentially ordering citizens to buy a product.

Supporters of the law say health insurance is unlike any other product because everyone needs medical care sooner or later, and society bears the cost of treating the uninsured. For insurance to work well, the pool must include the young and healthy. The Constitution gives Congress the power to regulate interstate commerce, and the health insurance mandate stands in a line of requirements that go back decades and have been upheld by the courts.

Americans for Prosperity has arranged to bus in supporters from Connecticut to North Carolina and as far west as Michigan. Tea party stars including Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., and Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., will address the rally.

Liberal groups, unions and other supporters of the law have been taking a somewhat different approach. Although they plan Washington events, including rallies and a prayer vigil Monday at the court, they have been putting their main emphasis on outreach around the country. That dovetails with a sustained effort by the Obama re-election campaign to tout the benefits of the law.

On a recent midweek day, a team of nurses and other volunteers took up their cellphones at an Obama campaign office in the Denver suburbs and began calling voters. That particular day, the volunteers were trying to reach elderly women.

Holding up a sheet of talking points about the health law, campaign field director Tami Parker told the volunteers about the Supreme Court challenge.

“We need to talk about how the Affordable Care Act helps women, especially elderly women,” Parker said. The talking points ended with an argument in bold: “Some politicians want to take away these new benefits, and put insurance companies back in charge.”

Back in Washington, one of the leading organizations supporting the law has secured prime space in a building across the street from the court. Families USA, a liberal advocacy group, is sponsoring “Radio Row,” providing facilities for 27 talk show hosts from around the country to broadcast during the deliberations. They’ll be able to interview administration officials and Democratic lawmakers as well.

“We are looking at this to be very much of a teachable moment for folks across the country,” said spokesman Dave Lemmon. “It’s an opportunity to highlight what people have already gained and what they have to lose.”

White House and administration officials have regularly attended strategy and coordination meetings with supporters. But they’ve also been careful to avoid the appearance that they’re calling the shots.

It was an odd role for White House spokesman Jay Carney. On Wednesday, Carney told reporters the law’s anniversary was something “only those who toil inside the Beltway focus on.” He backtracked the next day, as the White House and Obama’s campaign began giving attention to the anniversary. Carney said it’s “absurd” to suggest the president was distancing himself from the law.

Other officials say that the administration will make its case in the courtroom, not on the streets outside.

In keeping with the low-key approach, there was no speech by the president to mark the law’s anniversary Friday. The White House earlier had released video stories of people whose lives have been improved by it.

These days, Obama gets most vocal about his health care law at Democratic fundraisers.

“Call it Obamacare ? that’s OK, because I do care,” he said to cheers at an Atlanta gathering. “That’s why we passed it. I care about folks who were going bankrupt because they were getting sick.”

___

White House Correspondent Ben Feller and Associated Press writer Kristen Wyatt in Denver contributed to this report.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/386c25518f464186bf7a2ac026580ce7/Article_2012-03-24-Supreme%20Court-Health%20Care-Swaying%20Opinion/id-2d267f77779b4c57a921f557092f5347

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